The Weight of Wings

Broken Woman

This broken woman eating her life away 
this broken woman crying her life away
this broken woman fucking her life away. 
This broken woman drinking her life away. 

This broken woman is numbing her life away. 
This broken woman is working her life away. 
This broken woman is sleeping her life away, 
but this broken woman says enough today. 

This broken woman strips herself of that title 
even though this woman is often suicidal, 
but not today because she will find 
that she’s the only one that can control her mind 

so this shattered woman 
Takes a look around 
and starts to pick the pieces up 
off the fucking ground 

piece by piece she builds back up 
one day at a time 
she no longer chokes on emotions 
by telling people she’s fine. 

This healing woman takes her time 
and knows to rest 
because this healing woman knows 
this life is just a test. 

We are here to gain experiences 
here to try new things. 
We’re here to write some music 
Or find a song to sing. 

we’re here to make love and art. 
We are here to change the world. 
We may not always know where to start, 
but we know that spiral curls 

in this chapter 
healing woman finds community,
She strips her soul bare 
and lets it out for all to see 

because this healing woman knows 
that healing doesn’t occur in isolation 
now this healing woman knows 
it’s all about communication.

Communication with oneself 
and communication with all others 
it’s time to face the darkness.
 We can no longer take cover 

because this healing woman knows 
challenges will no longer break her 
instead the chances that she takes 
are the ones that make her 

so stand with me healing woman 
join me in this journey. 
We are so much stronger together 
let’s just build a healing community.

Reason to Stay

Laying in my bed tonight, 
replaying a perfect day.
I called to tell you all about it, 
in our old, familiar way. 

Months gone by, 
call’s unanswered to this very day. 
Because you, my dearest friend, 
couldn’t find anymore reasons to stay. 

I understand the difficulty, 
the world is hard and cruel.
As the flames grow tall around us, 
it’s so hard to keep our cool. 

If the pain that’s left behind
Isn’t reason enough to stay,
Can you try to think about 
What younger you would say? 

He believed the heart would win,
that love would save us all.
I remember arguing,
love only makes us fall.

Now that he has fallen,
the heart that’s in the ground.
I keep searching for a savior,
And love is all I’ve found. 

I’m whispering to a memory,
I only wish that he could say:
“I hear you girl, I’m still here, 
I found a reason to stay.”

Raised in War

They’ve done some crazy studies,
The findings sound insane ,
But Combat vets and child abuse survivors 
Have very similar brains

I’ve experienced far more 
Than my fair share of trauma,
Now I just seek safety
And look to avoid the drama.

Peaceful does not mean harmless,
Let me break it down real quick,
Peaceful is a choice I make,
Don’t push me or I’ll get my licks.

Attack me first, that’s fuck around,
My response I will be the find out,
You wanna push this girl down,
But she gonna stand back up no doubt

And when she does, You won’t like it,
She battled much bigger opponents,
Her system was designed through fighting,
You weren’t built with those components

She may seem small, she may be quiet,
But her brain looks like she’s been to war,
Only it was never overseas,
It was behind her own front door.

So take the advice, give some space,
Leave that girl alone,
Because she is not the one,
Please evacuate the blast zone. 

Fly Again

Crazy how they clip your wings,
To see how far you’ll fall.
Perplexing how irate they get,
When you bounce back all tall.

My husband didn’t like my vibe,
Too loud and over the top,
You’d think I would’ve been smarter,
Than to share a bed with a cop.

But I thought I was getting something,
The object of my deepest desires,
A stable, loving extended family,
Instead he fed me to the fires. 

He sold my body, he took my name,
Filled me with alcohol and pills,
I became a doll, fulfilled his wishes,
While also paying all the bills.

It took a voluntary commitment,
due to an attempt,
To make me see how I’d been living,
I was oblivious to the descent.

When I got home I flushed my pills,
For 8 months I was bed ridden,
The detox was my second chance,
But he will never be forgiven.

The fires scorched me, But I stood back up,
Ashes in my feathers.
Made new connections, that showed up,
When toxicity was severed. 

I took heaping doses of self control, 
Mindfulness by gallon.
Herbs and teas for everything,
I climbed out by my talons.

I found the answers in the universe,
The earth and sacred texts,
Now I ask everyone,
Which one of you is next?

I’ll share my knowledge freely,
To anyone who listens,
We are the medicine they couldn’t manufacture, 
We can break out of their prisons.